This was originally going to be a Facebook post1, but I thought it was inappropriate for FB.
Year after year, month after month, it never ceases to amaze me how I can still be so naïve in my old age.
I’ve always learned too little too late what I had, and to what extent I took it for granted. My mother, my health, my homeland.
I did my best to wrangle the fellows together and let them know what was happening, but I suspect I missed a couple of y’all. The crux of it is that I emigrated to India to try and realize a dream, and I might just.
Emigrated to the East to pursue a dream. Would that make it an Eastern Dream?
I left in November, and now it’s January, and along the way I’ve learned a lot of things. I’d like to briefly enumerate them.
-
I really took the benefits of a secular post-enlightenment society for granted. Organized religion is scary when it dominates and divides people. Especially if those people have an abundance of face.
-
I don’t think I ever really realized what it meant to be truly out of place. I thought myself alienated, estranged, isolated. But in reality I was just being willfully ignorant of the closeness between me and those around me. Something about the city suffocates people, and makes them feel like they’re alone when really, they’re far from it. It’s spiritually stifling. The sort of solitude you feel even when you’re surrounded by loved ones, it’s enough to drive one to an early grave.
-
It bears mentioning, but even after the indoctrination I received in bootcamp, I was still hesitant to admit that the United States was truly my homeland, and Dallas my home. I’m ashamed to admit just it’s just now finally clicked. My home is with my beloved oath-brothers, my maternal family, and all the rest of my friends. I miss you all.
I’m a weary exile
-
I’ve once again grown accustomed to being a bachelor. I feel like I did right before I met my ex-gf. I think I’ve learned to love myself. It only took 26 years, but I think I’ve found a sense of inner peace. Unfortunately, there are those around me who mean to disturb my peace. Hopefully before overlong I’ll make my dramatic homecoming.
-
All the rhetoric one hears about the decline of the West is not without merit, but our enemies are not some boogeymen or a particular tribe. Most of the things I thought I was fleeing from when I emigrated to India are the natural economic consequences of a post-industrial society continuing to grow. I thought if I ran far enough away I could escape what I thought was some sort of political or ideological bent that had taken hold of the States. But ultimately, no matter how far you travel, the measure of a man doesn’t change.
If I were to make a brief concession to those of you who thought I was being a moron:
You were right.
But I don’t regret coming here. So long as I get to spend some time with my friends here, and continue saving money and self-actualizing, it won’t have been a waste.
I pray that the remainder of my time here is constructive, and that I manage to return to you sane and intact, and competent enough to make a new life for myself in the States.
From nothing but love and milk2, Chef out.
Postscript: To those of you who have been reading, some of this may sound like repetition, but I also expect this to serve as sort of an introduction to friends/family who were previously unaware of the blag